Sunday 4 September 2011
M o n i k a K o v a c s: YOU CAN create an exceptional LIFE
M o n i k a K o v a c s: YOU CAN create an exceptional LIFE: For countless people, the words of Louise Hay have served as a beacon, leading them out of the darkness of despair and into the light of a ...
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Clothing and accessories for MEN with real taste
Over the past twenty years and more, it has been a fun quest for clothes to wear. I wanted to look good, and more specially, feel good. The first ten years or so were the years I started and ended my journey.At least, that was what I thought. For the next ten years, I kept myself amused perfecting my personal style, until I ended up drenched, and honestly, without a clue about what was next. It was like I was wondering if that was all there was, and whether the fun part was over. I was both right and wrong.
In my search for my personal style, I also made a detour by the gym, and also later went through an awkward phase of being overweight, before getting back to my ideal shape, which ironically has become a compromise between those two periods of my life. I am comfortable with my weight and that's alright. I am not into any form of competition, and do not need the fuss of going into diets of any sort.
Of course, during my quest, I cheated. I watched some television programs about fashion, observed how people were dressed, researched Men's fashion magazines to enrich myself about good taste, and ended looking up the Internet for useless articles that seemed more prone to display ads rather than helpful content.
All those years of research led me to a single idea, which could apply to to anyone who is in his 40s or 50s today. If younger, someone may have to research further.
If you want to dress up with class, study pictures of your grandfather in his splendor. They knew how to wear whatever they wore.
That's my opinion. My own grandfather was from China, wore classic Chinese clothing, and I haven't had the chance to catch him in any picture wearing a suit. But I have seen pictures of other people from the first half of the 19th century, and they knew how to dress up perfectly, without any hint of a fashion faux pas. So, it can't be that hard. Apparently, people from that era had a single vision about good fashion, and none about bad style. Adopting that attitude can't be that bad, although more difficult than I envision, because it requires a lot of mindset not to make mistakes.
So I observed and adopted a pocketful of concepts about dressing up, depending on the various occasions that Life takes us into, although the 'one size fits all' philosophy could be the ideal.
When I imagine what to be stylishly dressed could look like, I imagine the look of a high profile contract killer, or a mafiosi, or some other smart Outlaw. They need to be well dressed, but still go unnoticed.
Think Tom Cruise in 'Collateral', Brad Pitt and George Clooney in their 'Ocean' movies' suits. These guys blended in their clothes. They were smart, but you would not even remember what they wore. That's how it is supposed to be done. Observe, learn, and go for it.
Remember Keanu Reeves in 'Constantine', although you must not look as if you just slept in your clothes.
Or you can go further up in History and recall how Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Sammy Davis Jr, Dean Martin, Gary Grant always looked good, although they never seemed to overdo anything. These guys knew how to dress simply and perfectly, and never had a bad suit day.
Michael Jackson wore the perfect attire in his 'You Rock My World' video. Dark suit and plain red shirt. You can make an abstraction of the white socks if you are no dancer, but this outfit is some sort of pinnacle of what to wear, and how to wear it.
Today, I kind of find salvation in being dressed down. No appearing designer label, nothing flashy if I can avoid it. There is no definition of how I dress. I just go by my instincts. I rarely look at myself in the mirror, so I have to focus on my own judgement. If I cannot tell what will be perfect, I know in my heart what's not right, which means what is to be avoided.
So, I am left with a question: 'What's good?'
If there cannot be any definitive answer, I try to stick to s few basics:
Plain or pin-striped classic shirts, with white being my preferred option, although blue is the dominant color in my wardrobe. I do have lots of shirts of different colors, but I do not use them very often. I tend to stick mostly to white and blue. No designs, except if it's white on white, and hardly noticeable.
I would definitely stick to white if I could, but I don't wear white that well. And honestly, white shirts have a very short lifetime, while blue can last for years.
Note: The recent slim-fit trend is a cool one, but that is fashion and is bound to evolve someday.
Dark slim pants do the job for for me, and stripes are a bonus as they help look slimmer. My choice.
Ties? That's both simple and tricky. After two decades of goofy ties, slim ties were back and they are to die for. Colored or black, they really can brighten my day. I just need to be careful not to wear the wrong color of tie with my outfit.
Socks must be dark and should go as up so as to cover as much skin as possible. I could wear white or any other color and design on any fancy whim, but by all means, socks must not be flashed. That's Sock Rule Number One, and also the last.
Shoes are tricky. The really nice shoes are expensive. But even spending a lot on a pair of shoes does not spare anyone from making a wrong choice. And unlike clothing, they cannot be tailor-made. Going along with only what stores offer is a pity, but I consider it a challenge to be on the look out for cool shoes. And when they really look good, I buy a second identical pair for later use.
I choose my shoes with care, because they always seem to send a message about the person wearing them. Therefore, I do not want to look like I did not care in the first place.
Underwear: That's my choice. I really feel there that I can do whatever I want, but I always keep in mind I would never wear anything I would not like to be caught in. I also apply the same rule as Rule Number One for socks. Apart from that, I am free.
I also wear undershirts for personal hygiene. Sweat spots are a no-no if I can do something about it.
Accessories, anyone?
Belts: The simpler, the better. A wisely choosen leather belt may last a lifetime and must also go unnoticed. There is no need to show off. I make sure the belt holds my pants on me, and I forget about them for the rest of the day.
Cuff-links are the only accessories I would allow myself apart from the belt. Those tiny pieces of jewelry for men are classy and make quite a statement about one's personal taste.
I have almost stopped wearing watches, although I own quite a few. But I do not really need them since I can read the time on the computer, cellphone, from wall clocks. Plus the bonus of the opportunity to ask for the time and talk to a stranger. You always need to make new friends.
If you need to wear a watch, please do. Just do not go for the bling.
Cellphones: Apparently, they complement outfits, and also complement lack of personality today. For God's sake, keep it it your pocket.
Handkerchiefs: The art of the handkerchief seems lost. I always have one in my pocket. You should too. Now that you keep that damn expensive cellphone where I advised, your handkerchief will help protect your investment.
Now that I have expressed my wisdom, I shall see more clearly whether I do apply my precepts to myself or not. I have wrestled a lifetime out of the misery of a motley wardrobe to a classier one. It's time to reap the respect I owe myself.
In my search for my personal style, I also made a detour by the gym, and also later went through an awkward phase of being overweight, before getting back to my ideal shape, which ironically has become a compromise between those two periods of my life. I am comfortable with my weight and that's alright. I am not into any form of competition, and do not need the fuss of going into diets of any sort.
Of course, during my quest, I cheated. I watched some television programs about fashion, observed how people were dressed, researched Men's fashion magazines to enrich myself about good taste, and ended looking up the Internet for useless articles that seemed more prone to display ads rather than helpful content.
All those years of research led me to a single idea, which could apply to to anyone who is in his 40s or 50s today. If younger, someone may have to research further.
If you want to dress up with class, study pictures of your grandfather in his splendor. They knew how to wear whatever they wore.
That's my opinion. My own grandfather was from China, wore classic Chinese clothing, and I haven't had the chance to catch him in any picture wearing a suit. But I have seen pictures of other people from the first half of the 19th century, and they knew how to dress up perfectly, without any hint of a fashion faux pas. So, it can't be that hard. Apparently, people from that era had a single vision about good fashion, and none about bad style. Adopting that attitude can't be that bad, although more difficult than I envision, because it requires a lot of mindset not to make mistakes.
So I observed and adopted a pocketful of concepts about dressing up, depending on the various occasions that Life takes us into, although the 'one size fits all' philosophy could be the ideal.
When I imagine what to be stylishly dressed could look like, I imagine the look of a high profile contract killer, or a mafiosi, or some other smart Outlaw. They need to be well dressed, but still go unnoticed.
Think Tom Cruise in 'Collateral', Brad Pitt and George Clooney in their 'Ocean' movies' suits. These guys blended in their clothes. They were smart, but you would not even remember what they wore. That's how it is supposed to be done. Observe, learn, and go for it.
Remember Keanu Reeves in 'Constantine', although you must not look as if you just slept in your clothes.
Or you can go further up in History and recall how Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Sammy Davis Jr, Dean Martin, Gary Grant always looked good, although they never seemed to overdo anything. These guys knew how to dress simply and perfectly, and never had a bad suit day.
Michael Jackson wore the perfect attire in his 'You Rock My World' video. Dark suit and plain red shirt. You can make an abstraction of the white socks if you are no dancer, but this outfit is some sort of pinnacle of what to wear, and how to wear it.
Today, I kind of find salvation in being dressed down. No appearing designer label, nothing flashy if I can avoid it. There is no definition of how I dress. I just go by my instincts. I rarely look at myself in the mirror, so I have to focus on my own judgement. If I cannot tell what will be perfect, I know in my heart what's not right, which means what is to be avoided.
So, I am left with a question: 'What's good?'
If there cannot be any definitive answer, I try to stick to s few basics:
Plain or pin-striped classic shirts, with white being my preferred option, although blue is the dominant color in my wardrobe. I do have lots of shirts of different colors, but I do not use them very often. I tend to stick mostly to white and blue. No designs, except if it's white on white, and hardly noticeable.
I would definitely stick to white if I could, but I don't wear white that well. And honestly, white shirts have a very short lifetime, while blue can last for years.
Note: The recent slim-fit trend is a cool one, but that is fashion and is bound to evolve someday.
Dark slim pants do the job for for me, and stripes are a bonus as they help look slimmer. My choice.
Ties? That's both simple and tricky. After two decades of goofy ties, slim ties were back and they are to die for. Colored or black, they really can brighten my day. I just need to be careful not to wear the wrong color of tie with my outfit.
Socks must be dark and should go as up so as to cover as much skin as possible. I could wear white or any other color and design on any fancy whim, but by all means, socks must not be flashed. That's Sock Rule Number One, and also the last.
Shoes are tricky. The really nice shoes are expensive. But even spending a lot on a pair of shoes does not spare anyone from making a wrong choice. And unlike clothing, they cannot be tailor-made. Going along with only what stores offer is a pity, but I consider it a challenge to be on the look out for cool shoes. And when they really look good, I buy a second identical pair for later use.
I choose my shoes with care, because they always seem to send a message about the person wearing them. Therefore, I do not want to look like I did not care in the first place.
Underwear: That's my choice. I really feel there that I can do whatever I want, but I always keep in mind I would never wear anything I would not like to be caught in. I also apply the same rule as Rule Number One for socks. Apart from that, I am free.
I also wear undershirts for personal hygiene. Sweat spots are a no-no if I can do something about it.
Accessories, anyone?
Belts: The simpler, the better. A wisely choosen leather belt may last a lifetime and must also go unnoticed. There is no need to show off. I make sure the belt holds my pants on me, and I forget about them for the rest of the day.
Cuff-links are the only accessories I would allow myself apart from the belt. Those tiny pieces of jewelry for men are classy and make quite a statement about one's personal taste.
I have almost stopped wearing watches, although I own quite a few. But I do not really need them since I can read the time on the computer, cellphone, from wall clocks. Plus the bonus of the opportunity to ask for the time and talk to a stranger. You always need to make new friends.
If you need to wear a watch, please do. Just do not go for the bling.
Cellphones: Apparently, they complement outfits, and also complement lack of personality today. For God's sake, keep it it your pocket.
Handkerchiefs: The art of the handkerchief seems lost. I always have one in my pocket. You should too. Now that you keep that damn expensive cellphone where I advised, your handkerchief will help protect your investment.
Now that I have expressed my wisdom, I shall see more clearly whether I do apply my precepts to myself or not. I have wrestled a lifetime out of the misery of a motley wardrobe to a classier one. It's time to reap the respect I owe myself.
Sunday 14 August 2011
The Media is destructive because we allow it
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-barbara-kaufmann/shocking-secrets-revealed_b_924555.html
I personally believe there is NO hope for the Media and specially sensationalistic journalism to better itself EVER.
This being said, the buying public is as guilty as the Medias to either waste their precious time to read and watch rubbish, or give the Medias attention that the latter don't deserve.
Personally, I take the time and care to filter the useful information. And when I can't filter it myself, I prefer to leave the intoxicated information behind, with the option of doing the research myself later.
It the contents are really important, the news will be back soon enough. And anyway, the Internet may provide the information I need for my research. And even then will I use my logic to link the various pieces of information to reach for the closest to the truth as I can.
I am happy to have the freedom to choose what information to pay attention to. Freedom of the Press is a something valuable, but we do already know that the Media itself, let alone Governments, often choose what to feed to the masses.
Watching the fall of the Berlin Wall was a Historical moment, as was watching the Tien An Men Protests, - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBN11-F8kh8 - but watching Saddam Hussein being hanged is unacceptable. I do not blame the person who filmed it as much as I condemn the Television for showing those images.
As a teenager, or a young adult, I could not understand the hunger for the images that I now witness on a hour to hour basis, whenever the News channels are on. Nor did I understand at the time the protests from the individuals who opened my eyes and ears to the games that the Media were playing on us. But God be blessed that today I know better as relates to what is really going on.
Do we really need to care about tiny details like a celebrity being arrested for speeding while people are dying of hunger, or the Earth itself is on the brink of being on an irreversible destruction path? Unfortunately, the Grand Public has never learnt the lessons, and is more and more hungry for the lies and distortions the Media is selling to the World.
Will we ever learn? Will they ever learn? Will we be condemned into this state of affairs forever, or is there a hope that we will change our behavioral disorders? I really feel, like Michael Jackson said before his death, that 'it starts with us'.
I personally believe there is NO hope for the Media and specially sensationalistic journalism to better itself EVER.
This being said, the buying public is as guilty as the Medias to either waste their precious time to read and watch rubbish, or give the Medias attention that the latter don't deserve.
Personally, I take the time and care to filter the useful information. And when I can't filter it myself, I prefer to leave the intoxicated information behind, with the option of doing the research myself later.
It the contents are really important, the news will be back soon enough. And anyway, the Internet may provide the information I need for my research. And even then will I use my logic to link the various pieces of information to reach for the closest to the truth as I can.
I am happy to have the freedom to choose what information to pay attention to. Freedom of the Press is a something valuable, but we do already know that the Media itself, let alone Governments, often choose what to feed to the masses.
Watching the fall of the Berlin Wall was a Historical moment, as was watching the Tien An Men Protests, - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBN11-F8kh8 - but watching Saddam Hussein being hanged is unacceptable. I do not blame the person who filmed it as much as I condemn the Television for showing those images.
As a teenager, or a young adult, I could not understand the hunger for the images that I now witness on a hour to hour basis, whenever the News channels are on. Nor did I understand at the time the protests from the individuals who opened my eyes and ears to the games that the Media were playing on us. But God be blessed that today I know better as relates to what is really going on.
Do we really need to care about tiny details like a celebrity being arrested for speeding while people are dying of hunger, or the Earth itself is on the brink of being on an irreversible destruction path? Unfortunately, the Grand Public has never learnt the lessons, and is more and more hungry for the lies and distortions the Media is selling to the World.
Will we ever learn? Will they ever learn? Will we be condemned into this state of affairs forever, or is there a hope that we will change our behavioral disorders? I really feel, like Michael Jackson said before his death, that 'it starts with us'.
Sunday 7 August 2011
Sunglasses at night
What do you do when you are a sunglasses enthusiast?
My answer, as soon as it was financially possible to me, was to get contact lenses and sunglasses.
I've stuck with two brands till now, and I doubt it's going to change.
I like Ray Bans and Oakleys.
In the 80s, I started out with the Wayfarer, the Clubmaster, and the Aviator. I also had a Wayfarer clone that was named 'Cosmo', but my sister borrowed and lost them.
And then I calmed down, with less interest in spending money on sunglasses. And besides, the red framed aviator were terrific but out of range for my purse.
It wasn't until I discovered Oakley in the 90's that my interest for my expensive passion came back. I have had lots of these, until the designers lost it. Frames started looking big and were aimed at pro Snowboarders and Surfers.
That was when I tried Ray Bans again. Their Polarized glasses were a step ahead. And a new pair of classic gold and green Aviator also added to the collection.
And I decided I should look for more. Online first. Then in shops. And then I became desperate, not finding the right ones. So, I decided to wait and look out.
It took me two years' worth of patience, but it finally paid.
I got myself three pair of Aviators this year. Two totally black pairs, with a slight difference in shape, and a gold framed metal beauty that has leather on the tips of the frames, and a leather wrap just between the eyebrows, and brown glasses. Totally rad.
Tom Cruise and Jesse Jane wore them in both versions of 'Top Gun', so did Kevin Costner in 'Revenge', and George Michael wore them as a part of his look for the promotion of his 'Faith' LP. Kat Von D, the tattoo artist did, and her former boyfriend Nikki Sixx did too. Michael Jackson wore different types of Aviator sunglasses, and he has been a living Ad for the iconic Ray Ban Aviators.
Everyone who's ever been someone with taste must have been a victim of sunglasses at some point in his life.
You just couldn't escape it. Specially Aviators.
I now wonder if I am ever going to buy a pair of sunglasses again. Can someone come up with anything more beautiful than those I own? Maybe, but I suppose I could be too old to wear something that trendy, if it ever happens. Plus, I'm not interested.
I may have an empty purse right now, but comes any beautiful day, I'll be able to hide my eyes in the most beautiful way.
As soon as Winter is over..
My answer, as soon as it was financially possible to me, was to get contact lenses and sunglasses.
I've stuck with two brands till now, and I doubt it's going to change.
I like Ray Bans and Oakleys.
In the 80s, I started out with the Wayfarer, the Clubmaster, and the Aviator. I also had a Wayfarer clone that was named 'Cosmo', but my sister borrowed and lost them.
And then I calmed down, with less interest in spending money on sunglasses. And besides, the red framed aviator were terrific but out of range for my purse.
It wasn't until I discovered Oakley in the 90's that my interest for my expensive passion came back. I have had lots of these, until the designers lost it. Frames started looking big and were aimed at pro Snowboarders and Surfers.
That was when I tried Ray Bans again. Their Polarized glasses were a step ahead. And a new pair of classic gold and green Aviator also added to the collection.
And I decided I should look for more. Online first. Then in shops. And then I became desperate, not finding the right ones. So, I decided to wait and look out.
It took me two years' worth of patience, but it finally paid.
I got myself three pair of Aviators this year. Two totally black pairs, with a slight difference in shape, and a gold framed metal beauty that has leather on the tips of the frames, and a leather wrap just between the eyebrows, and brown glasses. Totally rad.
Tom Cruise and Jesse Jane wore them in both versions of 'Top Gun', so did Kevin Costner in 'Revenge', and George Michael wore them as a part of his look for the promotion of his 'Faith' LP. Kat Von D, the tattoo artist did, and her former boyfriend Nikki Sixx did too. Michael Jackson wore different types of Aviator sunglasses, and he has been a living Ad for the iconic Ray Ban Aviators.
Everyone who's ever been someone with taste must have been a victim of sunglasses at some point in his life.
You just couldn't escape it. Specially Aviators.
I now wonder if I am ever going to buy a pair of sunglasses again. Can someone come up with anything more beautiful than those I own? Maybe, but I suppose I could be too old to wear something that trendy, if it ever happens. Plus, I'm not interested.
I may have an empty purse right now, but comes any beautiful day, I'll be able to hide my eyes in the most beautiful way.
As soon as Winter is over..
Saturday 6 August 2011
Amy Winehouse: Reflections from Two Drug Policy Activists
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tony-newman/amy_winehouse_drugs_b_910195.html
On our deathbed, or before, will we be saying, like at the end of 'Schindler's List', "I could have done more".
Or like Michael Jackson, when he was still with us, shouldn't we be asking ourselves:
What more can I give?
On our deathbed, or before, will we be saying, like at the end of 'Schindler's List', "I could have done more".
Or like Michael Jackson, when he was still with us, shouldn't we be asking ourselves:
What more can I give?
Thursday 4 August 2011
My someone in the light has died a long time ago.. and I am alone now...
It took me a Hell of a time to find my way to my own blog. Am I that stupid?
Oh yeah. I guess I am. At least, I'm constantly reminded I'm not that bright..
http://www.mj-777.com/?p=8393
I'll be 43 this year.. Not 34, but 43. Even 34 could have been ok. Unfortunately, it's going to be 43. Thinking about having to deal with being 42 right now is quite an ordeal. I've tried for the last few years to remain young. But now that I am constantly dealing with younger people, it's definitely a tough world to be in. A very cuel world if you can't fight a fair fight.
It's fairly impossible to catch up, in fact.
And I also am constantly reminded that I have few real friends left.. I could almost say no friends left. It would be so close to the truth, but that would be a lie to write that..
It reminds me of the lyrics to a Tom Waits' song that mention that his friends are either dead or in prison.
I'm not sure that my friends I supposed were to in prison could still be alive by now..
I just been reading bits and pieces from my previous precious posts. Did I really write those scraps of shit? Was I high? And if the answer's yes, did it happen anyway? Most of what I read does not make any sense right now. It is like reading a web of lies. Ok, I am probably not smart enough to have composed such a thing, so I'd rather call it a bunch of nonsense, which explains why I did not write anything for many days..
I would almost take them away, because it's messed up, but it's going to remind me of how messed up I was and how messed up I still am.
That is why it will remain here. I do not want it here, but I like to punish myself, because that's how you react when you feel you are not loved, right? You punish yourself.
I feel alone. Lonely. In the dark. Stranded. Abandoned. Betrayed. That's how I felt most of my life, but at some point, Michael Jackson's presence here on Earth helped me feel being a part of something I could not see, feel, touch, or even understand. Now, more than two years after his death, after clinging to the memories, there's not much left. The memories are fading away, and there's not much left for me to cling to. Videos are fantastic, but none of the images reflect the truth. Michael Jackson was not the man in gliterring clothes many admired. Neither was he the man behind a surgical mask that the Media made fun of. He was quite more of the man in the mirror.
The man in the mirror is in fact who you are. And personally, I don't like the man in my mirror.
That's why so many people (specially white Americans) hate Michael Jackson. Because of a message he conveyed, asking people to look in the mirror and make a change, people started hating him, mistaking their own reflection as being Michael Jackson. Few do recall that he did not write the song, but did only sing the more than powerful shattering message.
This is the reason why I personally LOVED Michael Jackson. It was not for the dance moves or videos, neither for the glamour, although all of it normally made my jaw drop.
Michael, my someone in the dark, sang those songs like no one ever could. (Ok, Luther Vandross could, but he did not always sing the perfect songs).
Michael's music and voice had the power to uplift my spirits. They made me believe in myself. Somehow, I got to look at the man in the mirror with his eyes, and for too short a part of my own life, I felt loved and loved myself. But now? What's left? I'm very much unhappy and miserable, except when I hear - AND LISTEN TO - his voice. It really used to be like the voice of Angels singing. You just had to listen and HEAR. There was not much else I could do, and this must have been one of the best parts of my life.
Unfortunately, the feelings of happiness have started to fade away when he passed away, and, now more than ever, he's gone, and I am miserable. Sometimes, I need to listen to his music for days until the state of my Soul is restored to an apparent healthiness which can only last until I get my fix of musical genius back through my ears.
I am lonely, old, and instead of longing for God, I now eagerly long for my own death to take me from being miserable and, hopefully, bring me to the path of the Light.
Since Michael died, I started dreaming of dead people, and in my dreams, they are looking for me. I am never afraid, because everything is so peaceful.
Someday, we'll be together again. And hopefully I'll be greeted by my dogs..
My grandparents maybe.. and Michael. (the Jackson, not the Arkangael).
How I'd love that.
Oh yeah. I guess I am. At least, I'm constantly reminded I'm not that bright..
http://www.mj-777.com/?p=8393
I'll be 43 this year.. Not 34, but 43. Even 34 could have been ok. Unfortunately, it's going to be 43. Thinking about having to deal with being 42 right now is quite an ordeal. I've tried for the last few years to remain young. But now that I am constantly dealing with younger people, it's definitely a tough world to be in. A very cuel world if you can't fight a fair fight.
It's fairly impossible to catch up, in fact.
And I also am constantly reminded that I have few real friends left.. I could almost say no friends left. It would be so close to the truth, but that would be a lie to write that..
It reminds me of the lyrics to a Tom Waits' song that mention that his friends are either dead or in prison.
I'm not sure that my friends I supposed were to in prison could still be alive by now..
I just been reading bits and pieces from my previous precious posts. Did I really write those scraps of shit? Was I high? And if the answer's yes, did it happen anyway? Most of what I read does not make any sense right now. It is like reading a web of lies. Ok, I am probably not smart enough to have composed such a thing, so I'd rather call it a bunch of nonsense, which explains why I did not write anything for many days..
I would almost take them away, because it's messed up, but it's going to remind me of how messed up I was and how messed up I still am.
That is why it will remain here. I do not want it here, but I like to punish myself, because that's how you react when you feel you are not loved, right? You punish yourself.
I feel alone. Lonely. In the dark. Stranded. Abandoned. Betrayed. That's how I felt most of my life, but at some point, Michael Jackson's presence here on Earth helped me feel being a part of something I could not see, feel, touch, or even understand. Now, more than two years after his death, after clinging to the memories, there's not much left. The memories are fading away, and there's not much left for me to cling to. Videos are fantastic, but none of the images reflect the truth. Michael Jackson was not the man in gliterring clothes many admired. Neither was he the man behind a surgical mask that the Media made fun of. He was quite more of the man in the mirror.
The man in the mirror is in fact who you are. And personally, I don't like the man in my mirror.
That's why so many people (specially white Americans) hate Michael Jackson. Because of a message he conveyed, asking people to look in the mirror and make a change, people started hating him, mistaking their own reflection as being Michael Jackson. Few do recall that he did not write the song, but did only sing the more than powerful shattering message.
This is the reason why I personally LOVED Michael Jackson. It was not for the dance moves or videos, neither for the glamour, although all of it normally made my jaw drop.
Michael, my someone in the dark, sang those songs like no one ever could. (Ok, Luther Vandross could, but he did not always sing the perfect songs).
Michael's music and voice had the power to uplift my spirits. They made me believe in myself. Somehow, I got to look at the man in the mirror with his eyes, and for too short a part of my own life, I felt loved and loved myself. But now? What's left? I'm very much unhappy and miserable, except when I hear - AND LISTEN TO - his voice. It really used to be like the voice of Angels singing. You just had to listen and HEAR. There was not much else I could do, and this must have been one of the best parts of my life.
Unfortunately, the feelings of happiness have started to fade away when he passed away, and, now more than ever, he's gone, and I am miserable. Sometimes, I need to listen to his music for days until the state of my Soul is restored to an apparent healthiness which can only last until I get my fix of musical genius back through my ears.
I am lonely, old, and instead of longing for God, I now eagerly long for my own death to take me from being miserable and, hopefully, bring me to the path of the Light.
Since Michael died, I started dreaming of dead people, and in my dreams, they are looking for me. I am never afraid, because everything is so peaceful.
Someday, we'll be together again. And hopefully I'll be greeted by my dogs..
My grandparents maybe.. and Michael. (the Jackson, not the Arkangael).
How I'd love that.
Sunday 24 July 2011
Being new at blogging and having no clue at what I am doing. Just giving it another try..
Sunday afternoon.. I have only been up for two hours.. I went to bed after dawn and my multiple alarms rang before I even had some sleep. Of course, I would get up very early since I officially (and stupidly) state out loud that:
Now, dirty minds, stay away. It's not naughty daydreaming, but only a personal way to make my (closed) eyes, mind, spirit sparkle from Inside. And a personal device to log into delightful dreams. It's just like idea behind the movie 'The Matrix': I bring the thoughts I want to dream about from my daydreams into my dreams. Often does it work, except I don't recall those dream experiences long enough before they fade away. But for sure, I do condition my mind about at least one centre of interest, with the benefit of having the option to choose who will be the centre of interest of my dreams, and, during daytime, in my life.
And even though I have no memories of the dreams of this morning, I do know who were the Souls I called for to meet me in those planes I call dreams. The fun part of my schemes is that, in real life, those persons are extremely kind to me, to say the least, which is a very good thing. Friends or flings, I do get very lucky. Some people work out their mind a real lot about how to attract partners. I am lucky to be able to dream about the people who will come to me 'later', although 'very soon' is more appropriate. Like I said, I got lucky about this. Very lucky.
But this does bring me back to the starting point: I do not like to go to bed, and therefore I cannot plan my dreams as well as I suppose I could, if only for the sake of bringing more fun into my days.
By now, of course, I am lost, and I have no idea where this is taking me, but I like to write, so I keep going. Just a little more.
The safe side being that most probably, nobody will ever be reading this apart from me when I'll come back to remember the thoughts I wrote about. The worrying part is that somebody I know reads about this, but I am down to earth and know that this can't happen. Not in this life. And also, I guess I do not care much about what others think. To be honest, I do not care at all, and this is probably what keeps me young and healthy. My life is the harvest of my dreams, and although it is so clear that I should go to bed earlier from now on, I hope this evening finds me smart enough to do what I need to do.
And there goes a third instalment, just before twilight. I have been dreaming of doing this my whole life. It only took a caring, delightful, young woman to plant the seed in my mind. Although I have to admit I have no idea of what her intital idea for me was, her kind insistance made me plough deep enough to find out how to start something that would be of interest to myself. Relatively anonymous here, I feel free to speak my mind, and say how today is a beautiful day. No one can say what tomorrow will be made of, and even though it's way past late in some parts of the World, only the clocks differ. The world is still the same for everyone, as are opportunities and current events.
Let us pray for a better future for everyone. Now as I am ending this page, I am wondering about what wrong and right in the World right now, and really hoping for the better for everyone - Hoping that the Light reaches the Heart of everyone in need of Blessings.
- I don't need much sleep.
- I don't want to waste my only shot at life with sleeping.
- I take pride in going to bed at dawn, usually ending up a zombie at some point.
Now, dirty minds, stay away. It's not naughty daydreaming, but only a personal way to make my (closed) eyes, mind, spirit sparkle from Inside. And a personal device to log into delightful dreams. It's just like idea behind the movie 'The Matrix': I bring the thoughts I want to dream about from my daydreams into my dreams. Often does it work, except I don't recall those dream experiences long enough before they fade away. But for sure, I do condition my mind about at least one centre of interest, with the benefit of having the option to choose who will be the centre of interest of my dreams, and, during daytime, in my life.
And even though I have no memories of the dreams of this morning, I do know who were the Souls I called for to meet me in those planes I call dreams. The fun part of my schemes is that, in real life, those persons are extremely kind to me, to say the least, which is a very good thing. Friends or flings, I do get very lucky. Some people work out their mind a real lot about how to attract partners. I am lucky to be able to dream about the people who will come to me 'later', although 'very soon' is more appropriate. Like I said, I got lucky about this. Very lucky.
But this does bring me back to the starting point: I do not like to go to bed, and therefore I cannot plan my dreams as well as I suppose I could, if only for the sake of bringing more fun into my days.
By now, of course, I am lost, and I have no idea where this is taking me, but I like to write, so I keep going. Just a little more.
The safe side being that most probably, nobody will ever be reading this apart from me when I'll come back to remember the thoughts I wrote about. The worrying part is that somebody I know reads about this, but I am down to earth and know that this can't happen. Not in this life. And also, I guess I do not care much about what others think. To be honest, I do not care at all, and this is probably what keeps me young and healthy. My life is the harvest of my dreams, and although it is so clear that I should go to bed earlier from now on, I hope this evening finds me smart enough to do what I need to do.
And there goes a third instalment, just before twilight. I have been dreaming of doing this my whole life. It only took a caring, delightful, young woman to plant the seed in my mind. Although I have to admit I have no idea of what her intital idea for me was, her kind insistance made me plough deep enough to find out how to start something that would be of interest to myself. Relatively anonymous here, I feel free to speak my mind, and say how today is a beautiful day. No one can say what tomorrow will be made of, and even though it's way past late in some parts of the World, only the clocks differ. The world is still the same for everyone, as are opportunities and current events.
Let us pray for a better future for everyone. Now as I am ending this page, I am wondering about what wrong and right in the World right now, and really hoping for the better for everyone - Hoping that the Light reaches the Heart of everyone in need of Blessings.
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